


Love Me Well

by madamewriterofwrongs



Series: Tumblr Posts [6]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Kissing, Lost Love, Love, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Past Lives, Prompt Fill, Reunions, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley, Soulmates, Tumblr Prompt, Yearning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:35:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25845919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamewriterofwrongs/pseuds/madamewriterofwrongs
Summary: “I loved you first; remember that. No matter what happens: I loved you first.”Before he could respond, Buck felt his soul being pulled away. Around him, the world crumbled; but not through flames: through darkness. Even as he was dragged further away, he never let go of the man – his partner – until the world had nearly blinked out of existence.In the darkness of the universe, Buck heard one last prayer.“Please find me.”
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Tumblr Posts [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1875451
Comments: 35
Kudos: 183





	Love Me Well

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tkreyesevandiaz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tkreyesevandiaz/gifts).
  * Translation into 中文-普通话 國語 available: [Love Me Well [Chinese Translation] 已授权翻译](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26324464) by [trosa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/trosa/pseuds/trosa)



> Prompt for zeethebooknerd on Tumblr: "“What if my love for you is my punishment?” Get ready for some of my favourite yearning, past lives, lovers that I've ever written. Thank you, Zee, for this prompt.
> 
> Kudos/Comments are always appreciated.
> 
> Enjoy
> 
> Check out my tumblr [madamewriterofwrongs](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/madamewriterofwrongs/blog/madamewriterofwrongs)

“No!” Buck jumped when the other man curled himself against the opposite wall, successfully dodging another running citizen. “We’re not going to make it in time.”

All around him, the flames rose higher, engulfing the window behind his head. Buck threw his body beside his partner to shield them both from the falling debris. At least, he thought this was his partner. That felt right. This man beside him, with his dark hair and honey brown eyes that stared at him in panic; they were partners somehow.

Details of his life seemed hazy. Every time he tried to grasp onto a fact or memory, another flame would burst or a stone would crumble, and his only focus became surviving the next onslaught of danger. That also felt right: dodging danger with his partner. Whoever he was – whoever they both were – this is what he was meant to do.

He couldn’t see much beyond the flames of the building across from him, but the smoke rising into the night sky seemed to be coming from all directions. The whole city was on fire, and here they were, in the middle of it all, trying to save themselves from one moment to the next.

Why was he here? It all seemed so familiar but he couldn’t put a word to any of it. Even as they tried to make their way out of the alley and away from the ensuing flames, his instinct was to turn and fight the fire, but he still couldn’t name it. The only thing he could focus on was the man with the eyes he could stare into forever (and he had a feeling that’s what he’d done). They ran side by side, dodging screaming citizens and crumbling buildings as the dirt roads filled with ash.

That’s what his partner had meant when he said they wouldn’t make it in time. The city was burning but there would be no escape. They wouldn’t reach the edge of destruction. They would die here. Together. Somehow, that didn’t bother him so much.

Another building caved in, sending stone and dust and wooden planks tumbling onto the street. The other man tackled him around the corner where they were safely hidden against a small lining of houses that hadn’t yet succumbed. For just a moment, everything was quiet. The light of the fire was a flickering amber in the background of his mind. The sounds of screams and crackling flames licking at their heels was a harmonic symphony to two shared heartbeats. The heat at his back was nothing compared to the ice in his chest as realization set in. It was time to go.

The man with the forever eyes reached out to grab his face, hold his chin firmly in his palms like an irreverent treasure. Their mingling breaths came faster and faster, delaying the inevitable.

“I’m going to miss you so much” he gasped. Buck opened his mouth to question him but his lips were overtaken by a kiss that tasted like a bittersweet promise – but a promise nonetheless. When the man tried to mercifully part, Buck pulled him back firmly, no air between one breath and the next. If this was to be their last kiss, it would be a kiss he could present to the gods in the afterlife as proof that he’d done one good thing in his life. Even if he remembered nothing else.

When they finally parted, Buck gripped the wrists still cupping his face and held on for dear life.

The man he swore he’d recognize even in death, stared at him for one last, agonizing moment.

“I loved you first; remember that. No matter what happens: I loved you first.”

Before he could respond, Buck felt his soul being pulled away. Around him, the world crumbled; but not through flames: through darkness. Even as he was dragged further away, he never let go of the man – his partner – until the world had nearly blinked out of existence.

In the darkness of the universe, Buck heard one last prayer.

_“Please find me.”_

Buck bolted away, sweat pouring down his face and drenching his thin linen shirt. He hated that dream. It came to him once every month or so and it was always the same. Running through danger with the brown-eyed man at his side, kissing him as he was plucked from the world and back into reality.

A reality where he would be sailing into port in a matter of hours, prepared to see what the new world had to offer. He hoped to find a home. Perhaps this town would fill the hole in his heart – no other place had, but the Spanish Colonies could be different. He’d spent so much time travelling, so much time running; maybe it was finally time to settle down.

The air as he stepped off the boat smelt of salt and fish and something dirty (like death). Not all that different from every other land on which he’d set out to explore. Everything looked the same; right down to the grumpy keeper he met when he signed in, with the rest of the sailors he’d bonded with on the voyage over.

Evan Buckley, formerly of the Buckley Estate, now Buck the traveler, who came with strong arms and a knack for storytelling. Who wouldn’t want him on their crew?

The anticipation of a fresh start was soured as the world around him turned to ash and a chorus of familiar cries broke the bustling calm. A fire had broken out in the stables around the corner and a stamped of horses were trampling everyone in their path. Buck watched, too late, as a chestnut stallion came charging towards him, prepared to crush his legs in their need for freedom.

His head hit the stone path as he was thrown through the air, not by a horse’s hooves, but by a solid form – a man – pushing him out of the way. His ears rang, and his eyes danced to a rhythmless tune, but the only thought in his head was _fire._

“Fire.” He grasped the man’s shoulders to steady them both as he scrambled to his feet. “We have to put out the fire.”

Others could be hurt; livelihoods were in danger. He was well enough to stand, so he was well enough to help others. With a passing glance to the man who’d saved his life, Buck tugged his collar and the pair took off in a sprint towards the growing flames.

By the time they arrived, it was too late to salvage the building. All they could safely do was make sure the surrounding structures wouldn’t be affected. Buck instructed his new recruit to check the adjacent home for anyone inside, while he stumbled in the opposite direction to do the same. Between the two of them, they rescued two tired old men and a barn cat who’d nearly gotten caught up in the flames. Just as they had cleared the last structure, the stable collapsed in on itself, dousing much of its own raging inferno in the process.

It was only once he was reasonably sure that the danger had passed, that Buck found himself breathlessly turning to face his unwilling assistant.

“You’re good under pressure, friend, I could have used you at sea. Thank you for saving me back there.”

His beaming smile was met with a wide-eyed panic from the other man. “What?” He blinked but the disbelief was still in his eyes.

“Are you alright?” He moved to clap the man on the back but hesitated when he jumped back. “Were you hurt?”

There was an uneasy dread that spread through Buck’s chest as he mentally examined his new companion’s features. Such soft, brown eyes. Blood seeping through his ashy brown shirt.

“Your shoulder.” This time, Buck paid him no mind when he tried to protest, pressing a careful hand around the reddening area.

“I hit it when I fell.” The man mumbled, still clearly delirious.

“When you” Buck looked into his eyes, as realization settled over his skin. “When you saved me from the runaway horse.” This was all his fault. “Do you know where the doctor is?”

He looked so cute when he blushed scarlet, Buck thought, feeling his own cheeks flush with embarrassment. “I’m the doctor.”

Buck threw his head back in laughter – though, in hindsight, it was the man who made him laugh and not his words (he just felt lighter when he was around). “Well then you’ll know exactly what I need to do to patch you up.” He still hadn’t let go of his shoulder, and kept his grip tight as he smiled. “I’m Buck.”

He caught the man as his knees buckled underneath him, hoisting him against his side. Were all doctors so fit underneath their clothes? Buck shook his head. “Whoa, you’d better tell me where we’re going before you pass out.”

Instead of offering directions, he looked at Buck with what could only be described as heartbreak. His eyes were open and pleading, his quivering lip fell open with words he couldn’t voice.

“You don’t recognize me?”

“Should I?”

It was clearly the wrong answer, by the man’s breathless laugh and pained expression. “No” he croaked, adjusting his weight at Buck’s side so he could steady himself. “You just look like someone I know.”

Buck helped him to stand on his own, a careful eye on him at all times. There was something about this man. Something he recognized – and yet, the excitement in his heart was at the prospect of something new and unwritten. Familiar and yet unknowable. He had the overwhelming urge to know every part of him.

But he couldn’t say all that, not yet. So instead he smirked at the doctor and asked “so, where are we going?”

Buck lay beside his partner, staring up at the stars as though they really could grant his wish to stay there forever. As it was, this would be their last night together. In the morning, he would be shipped out to France while this man he’d come to love more than life itself would get to go home to his son so they could mourn his mother. Tomorrow, they would be separated and likely never see each other again.

That was all tomorrow, though. Until the sun rose over the hills, they could lie side by side and stare longingly at the stars. Even as the wind chilled and circled their longing forms, they kept their shoulders close and their hands linked tightly together but nothing more. If he curled into him, he might never leave. The ragged breathing of the man beside him was enough to keep him staring at the night sky; it wouldn’t do for them both to cry.

“Do you ever feel like the universe is out to destroy us – keep us apart forever?”

Buck found the strength to roll onto his side so he could study his features one last time. He got like this sometimes: pensive and distant. It was like he was haunted by memories he couldn’t have experienced – lives he could never have known. And he spoke in long, drawn out tones like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. Buck never could figure out the heavy burden he seemed to carry but he hoped that by being by his side, he alleviated just a bit of the pain. Though, truthfully, he may never know. How’d he’d miss those haunted brown eyes.

“I think I am happiest when I’m with you; for as long or as little as the universe will let me.”

When Buck stared at him, he saw the history of man playing out in his eyes. A tale of learning, of changing, of heartbreak and destruction, of hope, and community. Of love.

“It’s never enough time.”

His greatest wish was to erase the pain that came with the breadth of their love. Even if the world weren’t burning itself to the ground, they could still never be together. So they’d let the flame consume them, built a fortress with their passion and smothered it with secrecy, until there was nothing but a constant blue ember. Something just for them – because that’s all it ever could be.

He loved him. His partner in all things. In work, in love, and, if fate had been crueler, in death. No matter what he may wish for himself, he would never leave a son without his father. So he would fly off to another country to die alone; if it meant keeping the people he loved most, safe at a home he could never be a part of.

“I’ll be back.” He falsely promised the world, because it was easier than saying goodbye. “We’ll see each other again.”

Out of that devastation, a small, sad smile graced his partner’s cheeks.

“You always find me.”

Buck gasped, the words sending a shot of ice to his fingertips and clenching his heart. It wasn’t the tenderness in his eyes, but the memory of a time when he’d heard those words and made a vow to obey. But he’d never done that; how could he remember something that had never happened?

He kissed his doubts away on the lips that would never smile at him again.

Buck was on top of the world. He’d gotten up before his alarm, had a productive morning ride, gotten the results of his scan proving he was in the best shape of his life – which was handy, because being a firefighter was the hardest he’d every worked at anything. He may have broken up with his girlfriend but he’d never felt lighter, knowing there were a million possibilities open to him. There were a million paths and unlimited opportunities to make something wonderful of his life.

Anything could happen on this brand-new day.

Of course, his friends tried to ruin it with their teasing, but he was still riding that high when their attention was pulled to something behind him. What could possibly be so interesting?

Through the glass of the locker room, he saw a figure rolling an LAFD shirt over his muscular torso, not paying any attention to the four sets of eyes ogling him. And he was definitely worth ogling – not that he’d admit it before he sized up the man underneath the abs. Soft brown hair, a firm jaw, shining brown eyes that he could stare into forever.

Eyes…

Buck felt dizzy and his chest constricted around his beating heart.

Forever eyes.

Eyes he’d known for a thousand years.

A heart that beat for him.

Behind him, he heard someone ask who he was – who this beautiful man was that had suddenly dropped into his life.

“Eddie?”

The man looked up at Buck’s call and froze in what he recognized as disbelief. Eddie stumbled back, tripping over a bench as his legs gave out. Buck ran to him without a second thought, too late to catch him, but just in time to kneel at his feet. He let the man slowly reach out to grab his face, hold his chin firmly in his palms like an irreverent treasure. All the while, Buck stared into those brown eyes that had seen forever and still shone for him.

“You found me.” Eddie whispered, a smile slowly blooming in his chest.

“You waited.” Buck grabbed the wrists still holding his chin and held on for dear life. When they kissed, it was the spark of a dying ember bursting to a flame that overtook their bodies. A raging fire that would never be extinguished. A kiss so strong, the gods sent them back to each other again, and again.

“Always.”


End file.
